i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
