Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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