I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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