my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
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Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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