I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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