He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
