ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
