Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't want my vagina anymore.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize