He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
