glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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