That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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