Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Everclear isn't food dammit
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
