my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
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I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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