hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
