when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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