Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
