apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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