I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
