I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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