sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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