I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
