your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
