I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
