my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You left your phone here
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