dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
