Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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