I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
