She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
