I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
