Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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