my vag is so smooth its legendary
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
