My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
