saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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