apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
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So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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