Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize