Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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