i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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