Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize