I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
