when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
