I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
