Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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