I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize