WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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