My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!