just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so let's talk penis.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.