A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Im part way to drunk.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...