if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.