none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Randomize
