she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
