well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
