yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
