Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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