i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
