Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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