He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
