to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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