I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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