Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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