Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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