Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
