Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
