she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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